I stand in Tadasana ~ Mountain pose. I close my eyes and draw my attention to my heart. Feeling my chest growing like a balloon as I fill myself up with air. Slowly and gently, I exhale and feel the breath move down into my lower belly.
Allowing myself the pleasure of contentment. Standing tall. Feet planted, rooting down into the Earth. Feeling the sensations in my legs, as I begin to contract my muscles to the bone. I inhale, again through my nose and lift up through my spine as I grow taller. Feeling the upper body soften as I loosen the tension in my neck and relax my shoulders down my back. Lifting my chin, I relax my jaw, my tongue comes off the roof of my mouth. I bring a Smile behind my closed eyes. I feel my spine lengthening as if I am reaching up to the heavens. Breathing. I tuck my chin towards my chest. Bowing my head, in honor of my practice. I set my Sankulpa, my intention for my practice. “I am worthy of love”
I lift my head, open my eyes and begin my moving meditation, my sacred prayer, my salute to the Sun, and my body. Building the heat the tapas the fire within me. I surrender to my thoughts and concentrate on my breathing. Allowing the transformation to happen one breath at a time. I move through the inhales and exhales with a steady and even flow. Pausing after each round of the Sun Salutation. I reach my hands up towards the sky with my inhale, exhale I fold, Inhale to lengthen, exhale I fold. I step back into Plank pose. Strong and rooted into my hands, fingers spread wide. I begin to notice how I am feeling in my body. Vulnerable as I hang my head down. I inhale, upward facing dog, exhale, downward-facing dog. Pausing in this pose. Breathing. I walk my feet to the front of the mat, inhale halfway lift, exhale fold, inhale reaching my arms up towards the sky and I come back to my center. Hands at my heart. Tadasana.
I begin to channel new ways of thinking, releasing the pain and suffering. Observing these old patterns and reprogramming the story I was telling myself. The pain is deep and the healing is daily. The Sun Salutation shines on me. I am learning how to handle my emotions so I don’t react. My chest is tight and the ache is deeply rooted. So many failed relationships and each one took part of my soul with them. In the past, I would self-medicate with alcohol to ease the discomfort. Yoga has helped me feel comfortable in my discomfort. To feel is to heal. I want to be like a butterfly. Transforming and rebirthing myself.
Fueling the energy away from my mind. I keep moving and breathing. Finding my strength in my core and holding myself with compassion and grace. Strong, resilient, and worthy of love. This is what I say during my moving meditation “I am worthy of love.” I begin to notice a shift. Something inside of me softens, my heart broken is slowly healing. When did this Idea of not-enoughness begin? And why did it take Yoga and many failed relationships to understand how much I needed to learn about love.
I have learned to love myself.
To respect my body.
To grow into the person I want to become.
To take care of myself from the inside.
To connect to my higher self.
To make peace with myself and those that harmed me.
This is my practice.
To forgive and let go
To learn more about Kelly Marie Dawson, and her offerings as a Yoga teacher visit her amazing website at www.yogaspiritmagic.com